They want unique way to encourage their daughter to reduce weight – Carolyn Hax

They want unique way to encourage their daughter to reduce weight – Carolyn Hax

Dear Carolyn: Our thirty-year-old daughter is skilled at her consulting profession, intellectual, and in a loving relationship. Many months ago, she experienced an injury that damaged her mental condition, but she has now totally recovered.

Recent checkups have shown, however, that she has gained a significant amount of weight. She consumes a lot of appetizers and drinks excessively, yet her body can withstand the booze. We’re worried since these factors may effect her health, finances (by requiring her to purchase bigger clothing), relationship, appearance and self-esteem, etc. We are very certain that she would prefer not to be this large, but she never mentions it; rather the reverse, in fact.

We are uncertain as to whether she is aware of how much bigger she has grown. She is quite sensitive and often interprets harmless general remarks as criticism. Is there a way to persuade her to address her weight without disturbing her? Or should we just remain silent?

– Wondering About Weight

If You Are Curious About Your Weight, You Should Leave! The burden! Alone!

For frappés’ sake. She features physicians, waistbands, and eyeballs.

If the straight technique sounds bad, then the “artistic way” with beads and feathers will also sound awful.

You have already been warned to back off. You may thus describe how sensitive she is and how disinterested she is in discussing her body with you.

There are indications between your lines that she has not “quite healed.” Perhaps there are traces of trauma in her self-soothing behaviors? You’ve mentioned it, so I assume you know it.

Then why not move your worry from her weight gain to the likelihood of unresolved emotional wounds? To what she may need and want from her parents. Compassion, perhaps? Patience, priorities, love? Please contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness’ Helpline (, 800-950-6264), explain your daughter’s accident and her subsequent conduct, and inquire about trauma, since what individuals need from us is sometimes not immediately apparent.

Dear Carolyn: Our daughter and her husband have been married for five years and are in their late 30s. They informed a mutual acquaintance (who subsequently informed us) of their desire to have children many years ago. When deciding where to reside, they reportedly took the quality of the local schools into account. They are excellent aunts and uncles and would likely make excellent parents.

We’ve never had an open discussion with her about their childbearing intentions. We would accept any of the following responses: no, only if it is meant to be without medical help, or yes, but we haven’t been blessed yet.

Time is ticking away. If financial aid for fertility therapy is required, we are prepared to provide it. Should we mention this once, and if so, in what way?

Should We Ask?: A literary theme day.

They want unique way to encourage their daughter to reduce weight
They want unique way to encourage their daughter to reduce weight


No, do not bring up even once the topic they have never brought up with you, and no, do not offer to purchase yourself a grandchild even once.

If you have the money and you believe they do not, just give them the money. Free and clear to use anyway they like. “Simply because.”

In this manner, if they are in fact seeking costly help, your donation will alleviate their burden during a difficult time without ties or interference.

Money that can be programmed should worry you Layah Heilpern

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And if they are not getting therapy, they will have a few more life alternatives for the amount you were willing to spend.

In addition, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you contributed because you love them and could afford it, rather than because you wanted something for yourself. Best of luck.

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